


Professor Santa

by Coppermatsu, Liyada



Category: Pocket Monsters SPECIAL | Pokemon Adventures
Genre: 2020 Specord Secret Santa, Gen, give oak a fucking break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:47:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28819494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coppermatsu/pseuds/Coppermatsu, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liyada/pseuds/Liyada
Summary: Something was bound to go wrong with Gold organizing a party... but a Secret Santa on top of that?Poor Crystal was just too stressed at work... it was time for Professor Oak to step up to the plate. Can the renowned Professor save Christmas in time without gaining another wrinkle?...No. No he cannot.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23
Collections: 2020 Specord Secret Santa





	Professor Santa

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift to our recipient, Viv! We hope you enjoyed this unorthodox santa!

* * *

It was business as usual in the Pallet Town laboratory. Well, Holiday Business™ as usual, at the very least. The bustling activity during the holiday season increased due to many trainers capturing Pokémon as gifts.

The workload became increasingly more bearable thanks to one of Oak’s rising assistants, Crystal. Her efficiency and hard work were remarkably reliable… Professor Oak couldn’t have asked for a better helper.

Said helper, however, was sighing nearly every ten seconds and muttering to herself. 

“Oh, this is just going to be such a mess…” Crystal sighed, her efficiency rate a solid 30% less than usual. 

Oak frowned. “Er, Crystal… is something the matter?” They didn’t really have the time to be slacking right now, but more than that, Crystal was just too damn sweet and caring to be so troubled. Professor Oak wanted to make sure that the generous young woman was doing okay.

Crystal hesitated, not one to easily open up about her problems… especially over something she found so ridiculous.

“It’s… well,” she began, “...Gold decided to force all of the PokéDex Holders into a secret santa event this year...”

Samuel Oak’s wrinkled face contorted, the lines earned from Gold’s mere existence revealing themselves. “...go on,” he prompted.

The young woman dropped her shoulders, her pigtails bouncing with the movement. “It’s not so much an issue that it’s happening, but I’m really worried that he screwed up the assignments somehow. I mean, I heard him say ‘Hough’. Or was it Houp? Either way, we definitely don’t have someone named that!” 

The professor pinched the bridge of his nose. “That certainly seems like a recipe for disaster…”

“And!” Crystal continued, becoming more and more exasperated as she typically does when dealing with Gold, “based on that, I’m not even sure everyone got assigned a secret santa! What if someone is forgotten? But I can’t just investigate myself, I’ve too much work to do and don’t want to ruin Chri- ahem, the surprise!” She was so passionate about this that Professor Oak couldn’t help but want to help.

“Mm, this does seem a bit difficult… and it would be a shame for our hardworking PokéDex Holders to come all the way here and be disappointed...” he looked at the distressed Crystal, quite possibly the most talented assistant he’s ever had. He really didn’t want to do this, especially since it was Gold’s mess. 

Crystal let out her 500th sigh of the day, and Professor Oak found himself joining her. 

“...if it will cease your sighing and worries, I will take care of it,” Oak assured the now dazzlingly hopeful Crystal. 

“Would you? Oh, thank you so much, Professor…! I’ll repay you with the best work you could imagine!” She smiled, putting her efficiency reading at a whopping 150%. 

At least Oak wouldn’t have to worry about the work getting done while he took care of this.

oOo

“Let’s go over this one more time,” Oak said, rubbing his temples. “Where exactly did you put the list of assignments?” 

“Oho? Jealous, old man? Heh, I didn’t need a list since it was all a simple feat of genius,” Gold insisted, kicking some scraps of paper under his desk. 

Gold was trying incredibly hard to play it cool. Oak knew that Gold was self-conscious about how the old professor viewed him, seeing as he had to beg for his PokéDex in the beginning. But really… this coyness was just downright infuriating.

The old man didn’t have time for this. “Cut the crap and give me the list of matchups. You’ve worried Crystal to the point of interfering with her work. She  _ never _ lets personal issues interfere with her work.”

This seemed to frazzle Gold a bit. As much as he liked pestering Crystal, he didn’t actually want to upset her. He took a moment to make the decision, but eventually ducked under his desk and pulled out two very messy, crumpled lists. Oak swiped the papers immediately to begin deciphering. 

“Hey!” Gold objected, chasing after the professor as he examined the lists covered in Dorito crumbs.

“Why didn’t you number these? Gold, there’s an extra name on one! Are some of these even Dex Holders? I-”

“Whoa whoa whoa slooow down, gramps… that’s a fuzzy line there, so I just invited all the ones I’d heard about on PokéReddit. And uh… huh. That sure is two different numbers, mmhm…” He nodded in agreement- as though it wasn’t completely his fault. 

Oak read the lists. The discrepancy wasn’t obvious at first, but- 

“Who the hell is Hough? You have Hop and Hugh listed separately on this other one.” 

Gold’s face went blank. “Ohhhh I knew I forgot to fix something when Crys told me they were different people… whoops.” He attempted a cutsie knock on his own head.

Oak bonked him. “Fool! That’s sure to mess things up! How did the assignments end up, then?!”

“...I don’t remember, actually…”

“ _ What _ .” 

“I had to go hurry and bake cookies with Mom, ok?! Jeez! I never do enough for you people!” Gold threw his hands up into the air.

Oak had his face in his hands. 

“Look, I… do you at least remember some of the assignments? Maybe we can work backwards…” 

Gold looked away whistling. “...I only remember who me, Silv, Crys, and Eme have…” 

The Professor wanted to scream. 

“Alright, I’m fixing this. Tell me who you each are assigned to and I’ll contact the professors of the other regions,” Oak instructed, writing down the information that Gold gave him.

“But wait! Old man!” Gold called after him as Oak was about to leave. “Please don’t ruin the surprise for them, if you can…?” 

“Fine, fine! Just never mess up this bad again!” Oak threatened, not bothering to look back.

“Thanks, gramps!”

“You’re not my grandson, thankfully!” 

oOo

Speaking of his grandson, Green was the first person he contacted after leaving Gold’s mother’s house. Professor Oak had made a quick trip to the Viridian Gym to catch Green in between challengers, sipping on coffee and reading up on paperwork.

“Hey, Gramps.”

“Thank god  _ you’re  _ my grandson.” 

“...I don’t know what’s going on, but I have a guess,” Green gave Oak a glancing look of concern.

Oak took a moment to gather himself. “If you mean the damned secret santa fiasco, yes. I need you to tell me who you are getting a gift for. And, if possible, who the other Kanto representatives are shopping for, as well.” 

Green suppressed a groan. “Yes, I know… unfortunately. What do you need it for?”

The professor sighed. “Believe me, you don’t want to know. Just tell me what you can, I’ve got a long journey ahead of me...” 

The Viridian Gym leader shook his head sympathetically. “Sure, just don’t let this be why you retire.”

  
  


oOo

“ _ Hi, you are on the voicemail of your very own Professor Birch. I am unfortunately unavailable now, so please call back later! Sapphire, if it’s you, could you buy some milk please? _ ”

Oak stared at his Pokégear and sighed. He could not say that he was surprised. Birch was, to his dismay, rarely available. But he was running out of time, and from what he had gathered from Emerald, it was Birch himself who gave their recipients cards to the three Hoennian Dexholders. Which meant that if he wanted to keep Gold’s fuck-up a secret from the trio, Birch was his only solution.

But him not answering his Pokégear was not a problem, right? Usually, he did answer on his long-distance walkie-talkie, didn’t he?

After several unsuccessful attempts and a good hour lost on the tiny black box, he had to accept the hurting truth.

Professor Birch was unreachable.

If it had been anyone else, Oak wouldn't have worried. But it was Birch, Professor “I’m a specialist of terrain investigation” Birch, Professor “I spend more time in a jungle than at home” Birch, Professor “I’m going to disappear from civilization for three months because I am too absorbed by Wurmple’s double evolution”  _ Birch _ . If he could neither answer his Pokégear or his walkie-talkie, then there was no way to know when he would come back. For all he knew, Birch could be out of reach for the next six months.

Usually, in that case and when they really needed to join him, the other professors and him used to go through Sapphire, but she was not the best to keep something secret. If she ever learned of Gold’s mistake, this whole ordeal will quickly become a scandal. And Oak was already way too tired to deal with this situation, let alone adding a scandal on top. Not to mention that she probably did not know the recipients of Emerald or Ruby and would not be discreet enough to ask for it.

But maybe she’ll be able to tell him where her father is?

“ _ Hi, Sapphire here. _ ”

“Hello, Sapphire? It’s Oak.”

“ _ Oh, Prof! Howdy! _ ”

“I was trying to contact your father, but he didn’t answer his Pokégear or his walkie-talkie. Would you happen to know where he is right now?”

“ _ Ah, yes, Dad broke his talkie last time… He’s explorin’ the abandoned ship with Lorry right now, he shoulda come back for Christmas Eve. Do ya need somethin’? _ ”

_ He’s exploring an abandoned ship… Well, Hoenn isn’t too far from here _ , Oak thought as he looked at the map on his wall _ , and the weather there is nice at this time of the year, going to see him myself would be the best solution _ .

“It can wait, thank you Sapphire. Just… Where is this abandoned ship again?”

oOo

He made the worst mistake.

When Sapphire told him Birch was visiting an abandoned ship, he thought the ship would be close enough of the beach to easily swim to it, or that he could at least rent a boat to get there.

But of course, even if he could see the ship from the cliff, it was way too far for him to swim to it, his knees and back would never support it. And because life could not be easy, thanks to the Christmas break, all of the rental boat stores were closed.

Why did he have the worst of luck now?!

What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t contact the Hoennian Dexholders, but he still needed to know their recipients! He rubbed his temples as he looked around him, until his eyes stopped on a nearby tree… Yes! There was still this solution!

“Glad I took that smoke signaling class in the 50s!”

Some branches and a lighter later, and Oak was sitting near a rather good campfire, should he say. The smoke was surely visible from the ship now, he just had to hope that Birch will notice it. And after long, long minutes of uncertainty, the answer finally came in the form of a black smoke.

“Howdy, Oak!”

oOo

“ _ So this is the issue you are facing? _ ”

“Yes.”

“ _ Hm. _ ”

“Hm.”

“ _ What a troublesome issue, indeed. _ ”

“Can you help me with this matter?” Oak finally said.

“ _ I am afraid I would not be of great use on this matter _ ” He heard Rowan sigh from the other side of the line. “ _ But you should try to call Platinum, she will for sure know more about this whole Secret Santa issue. _ ”

“I see… Thank you, Rowan.”

Oak hung up. It looked like he had no other choice but to enter in contact with the Sinnohan Dexholders. He just hoped that, unlike a major part of their seniors, they knew how to keep their tongues.

“Hello, Miss Platinum? I am professor Oak, a colleague of Rowan, you may have already heard of me.”

“ _ Oh, Professor Oak? Yes, I already heard of you. _ ”

“I apologize for the bother, but would it be possible to tell me who your Secret Santa recipient is? I need to check something.”

“ _ Of course! I can even tell you Diamond and Pearl’s recipient if you need so! _ ”

“They told you who their recipients were?”

“ _ No, but once I figured out what a Secret Santa was, it did not take long to figure who theirs were! I even happened to have some contacts with Pearl’s recipient, and like he had issues finding something, I paired them together. They have been doing a great job so far, going from stores to stores to get a gift and eliminate villains! _ ”

As Oak remembered his newspaper of the morning, with an article about strange events happening in Sinnoh’s stores, he wondered if he even wanted to know what was going on.

oOo

Of course, everything could not be simple, and Oak only had the number of the elder Juniper for Unova.

“ _ The Secret Santa? I’m not really in touch with the Dexholders, you should try my daughter Aurea. _ ”

Which drove him to another call…

“ _ A Secret Santa? Never heard of it, maybe Bianca did? _ ”

To another one…

“ _ I don’t know, sorry, I was too busy helping Fennel… But Cheren surely knows! _ ”

And another one…

“ _ Secret… Santa? It’s already Christmas? _ ”

“Are… you okay?”

“ _ Sorry, I’m correcting my student’s finals and haven’t slept in the last four days… Anyway, I don’t know, you should call White… Goodbye! _ ”

And ano… Wait, what?

“OH F, HE FORGOT TO GIVE ME WHITE’S NUMBER.”

… Well, after a technical incident, Oak was forced to give up for the time being.

oOo

“Sycamore, you ignorant slut,” Professor Oak began. He’d finally managed to get into contact with the illustrious Kalosian Professor, but it seemed all for naught.

“ _ I’m sorry, I don’t really communicate with them! That’s Trevor’s job. I’m very busy, you know... _ ” the mega evolution specialist gave a dramatic sigh. 

Oak rolled his eyes, tapping his pen on the list in front of him, which was mostly filled out by now. He checked it twice. He was getting close to the missing piece, it was just a matter of getting the last few details... If only this French disaster wouldn’t be such a hassle. 

“Look, if Trevor knows, then could you put him on instead? I’m running out of time here,” the Kanto researcher was indeed running out of time. The party was in a mere few days, and he wasn’t even sure if he would have to travel to another region again or not… So he needed to know if a flight for Kalos was in order.

“ _ Of course. Trevor! Your idol is on the line, _ ” Oak heard muffled noises as the phone was seemingly passed over.

A very nervous voice spoke up, probably a kid in their teens. 

“ _ U-Um! It’s a pleasure to speak with you, Professor Oak…! I’ve read many of your findings and studies, and- _ ”

God, of course it was something like this. “Sorry, kid. I’m on a deadline. Who did X and Y have as recipients for the secret santa party being held?” 

“ _ Oh, that? Y has been talking a lot about that lately… They got- _ ”

Oak wrote down the latest additions to the list, thankful that they had someone competent over in Kalos. 

“Thank god one of these has been easy…” 

oOo

Why did time zones exist?

Why did some Dexholders have to live so far away from Kanto?

Why did he have to suffer so much?

All those questions were crossing Oak’s mind as he stared at his thirteenth coffee. He had since long passed his usual bedtime, yet he still had to stay up for the infamous and reluctant call to the black sheep of the family, the one who never gave up on his moto gang habits…

Samson Oak, also known as Mullet Oak.

“ _ Aloha cousin! How are you doing? _ ”

The sky behind his cousin was bright blue, and Oak wanted to scream.

“Hello Samson… Well, not so well, I have an issue in hand and…”

“ _ Ah, you’re always full of issues! You shouldn’t stress over that, you’ll only become older quicker! Look, you already look older than me when you’re actually younger! _ ”

“I need you for…”

“ _ How are you doing with your research lately, anyway? Your Pokédex sure helps a lot, don’t they? _ ”

“Speaking of the Pokédex Holders…”

“ _ Oh yes! Sun and Moon, they’re kinda handy, you know! They help a lot of people around here, everyone knows their name on the islands! _ ”

“Samson, there is a Secret Santa and…”

“ _ A Secret Santa? Oh, it’s true that it’s soon Christmas! It’s been a while since the family spent Christmas together, we should do it again! Maybe I’ll come back to Kanto for that, it has been ages since I last saw snow for Christmas… _ ”

“Listen I…”

“ _ Speaking of family, how are Daisy and Green doing? Last time I saw them they were so small! Are they still playing with the Alolan Ninetales plushies I sent them last time? _ ”

“It was fifteen years ago…”

“ _ I know, right? They’re older now, I should probably send them something useful. What do you think about a motorbike? Kids of their ages love it, doesn’t they? _ ”

… And here they went. Like every time Oak called his cousin, he would end up in a too long monologue that he would not listen at all. And like every time, it would last hours and hours, and because of his tiredness with the time zone difference, he would end up falling asleep on his keyboard.

This time was not an exception. Before he knew it, Samson had been speaking of his new pair of Aloian shirts, and Oak, after excusing his bad internet connection, went to his kitchen to make himself more coffee. But, hopefully, after dozens of minutes of monologuing, the mullet Oak asked:

“ _ By the way, why did you call me? _ ”

_ Finally _ , Oak thought. “Well, one of my Dexholders is organizing a Secret Santa, and I was checking something. Do you know who Sun and Moon recipients are?”

Samson shut up, and for the first time since long hope was growing in Oak’s chest… Until his cousin shrugged.

“ _ Dunno. Uh… Kukui is closer to them than me, you should call him. _ ”

oOo

After the fiasco of Alola, Oak had passed up on his sofa. Staying up until 5 AM was not good for an old man like him. And here he was now, sleeping a peaceful and dreamless sleep…

Until his Pokégear’s ring resonated at 8AM precisely.

“ _ Hello, professor Oak? I’m Lack-Two, from Unova. Platinum, from Sinnoh, told me that you had issues with the Secret Santa, and that I need to send you who the Unovan Dexholders recipients are. Please take some notes, I have to leave in thirty seconds. _ ”

“Huh, wha-?”

But the cryptic caller had already hung up on him, the promised notes in an incoming message. 

Oak cracked his back to sit up, Green’s words about not letting this be what makes him retire echoing in his head. No, that wasn’t necessary… just a simple clean up, something he could easily handle. 

He wrote out the new information. Only three people were left to get: the newest Dex Holders from Galar…

Galar… Magnolia. This was why he knew he was racing against the clock. With their past… the only way she would give him any information was…

oOo

The engine of the sporty rental car purred as Oak readied at the designated starting line. The convertible top was down, just how he preferred it- and he glanced over to his rival. 

Professor Magnolia was in her RV. While it was easy to assume that the match was quite unbalanced, Oak knew better than to underestimate that woman’s gimmicks with her vehicles. 

She had a wild glint in her eyes that Oak remembered so fondly from the 60s. 

“Aaaaand GO!” Schilly shouted, waving down a colorful flag. 

Samuel Oak slammed his foot down on the gas, the screeching tires of his car and the RV echoing throughout the Wild Area’s desert region. The course was to be two intricate loops around the various rock formations. A true test of skill and reflex- Oak wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Sou and Schilly watched as the old professors pulled off the most intense drag race they’d ever seen in their lives, too young to catch the many Initial D references that flew past. All they knew was that they had to blast some old Eurobeat and stand far enough away so that they didn’t get hit by skidding sand. 

It was a close match, but in the end, Oak’s sports car gave him an advantage as he dove under a collapsed rock formation Magnolia had caused from the first lap using homemade missiles. 

They solemnly exited their vehicles, Sou and Schilly quivering as they watched. The elderly pair nodded to each other. Magnolia handed Oak a paper before he drove off, leaving the Galarians in the dust.

oOo

The information in his grasp, Oak could finally piece together what was missing. Gold had apparently addressed an invitation to “Hough”, but still sent out Hop and Hugh as different assignments. It seemed as though this had caused the entire assignment list to be broken, leaving one person without a santa. 

He had very little time before the party, but with the recipient in mind, he prepared something to his best ability…

...

And then it was the day of the party. As people were arriving, Gold answered the door and found nothing but a small, wrapped box on the mat outside. It had a tag addressed to White, with a note addressed to himself beside it:

_ Gold, _

_ Never fuck up this badly again. Here’s the missing present you’ll need. You will be the reason I retire. But for now? Merry Christmas, and have a fun party. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Professor Samuel Oak _

_ P.S.: I’ll take payment in the form of cookies and milk, hohoho! _


End file.
